its been some time since any updates here for me. truthfully my projects are to big to scan and the camera is broken so i cant get an image to the computer.
i write here not so much for it to be read by people but to get it out of my head. yes i understand that a journal( on paper) would be more appropriate, or that a word document could suffice. but i truly do not care.
its senior year and things are shitty as fuck. everything i envisioned and dreamed about has died right before my eyes. drugs and alcohol have entered my goup of friends... and i am strongly against both. the group has split leaving me smack in the middle not knowing what to do. everyone is being an asshole to one another, they are hurting and taking without any thought of what it does to the people around them. Its rare that i return home happy anymore from school. everyday something else drags me further down, hits me once more whilst i am on the ground.
i am watching everything i have worked for and twords being taken away from me.
i know this is highschool drama, that it "happens" that i am no more unique than the next person.
But i am so lost, 2009 tore me apart, left me as a smoldering pile of so many different emotions.
course no one notices unless i tell em bout something thats going on, i keep most things to myself, cause the people i trusted, the people i loved and was dedicated to no longer recognize or aknowledge me. Save a handfull that i am so greatful for.
i pray for things to get better, but i go unheard so it seems.
all good things in time right? to every man his own? everyday there is something new to open up the wounds, something to stab deeper and deeper into me everyday. constantly seething with anger in my heart and being flooded by saddness and regreet at the same time. i dont know what to do, i have come full circle to frosh year again. though this time the friends i loved and adored are not there. alone again, hopless, shy, without confidence.
i just wanna know what went wrong, and why everyone is bent on hurting one another. I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT!
sigh, everyday something taken away and nothing is replaced to fill the gap. its getting to be a dark abyss.